


A Soldier's Countenance

by Shirorinyuaru



Series: A Soldier's Countenance [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Action, Adult Themes, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Death, Drinking, F/M, Fluff, Foul Language, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Sexual Content, Slow Burn, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:20:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26091022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shirorinyuaru/pseuds/Shirorinyuaru
Summary: Levi Ackerman was known for remaining behind his own walls. Following the deaths of his original squad, he finds he has lost a part of himself as well. As the 104th Cadet Corps are brought deeper into the fold of the Survey Corps, he finds himself conflicted. You are the main source of his conflict. A strong soldier, equally determined to protect humanity from the threat of the titans, you become a close confidant. First serving as an assistant assigned to Levi by Commander Erwin himself, you are soon pulled toward your captain by an invisible, but unrelenting force.Will you both survive this war riddled with tragedy and sacrifice, or will you succumb to the pressures that define it?You fall in love with Levi against your own will, praying that he doesn't feel the same. And the world follows.
Relationships: Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Reader, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/You, Levi/Reader
Series: A Soldier's Countenance [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1894348
Comments: 15
Kudos: 86





	1. Silence

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a long time since I wrote a fanfiction, but I was mulling over this idea for so long that I decided to put it on paper. Thoughts and critiques are always welcome. Thank you for reading!

There is something to be said about the deafening silence following death. More than the stench, the morbid visuals, and the stomach-churning fear — There is silence. For Levi, seeing his squad absolutely decimated by the Female Titan was only made that much more difficult by the soundless forest and the painful thrum of his heart as it fought to escape his chest. Petra, Oluo, Eld, Gunther - All casualties of a failed mission and, by Levi’s standards, all pointless deaths. He wasn’t quite sure what hurt him more; was it knowing that it was bound to happen eventually, or the fact that he had been unable to bring their bodies home to their families? For those left behind, there was nothing. The thought made even Humanity’s Strongest Soldier sick.

The day his original Special Ops squad was lost, a part of him went with them. While Levi often kept his emotions tightly locked away in a bottle behind the wall that he had built following the deaths of Farlan and Isabel, he was not heartless. His team - while he would not outwardly admit it - was his family.

He had already lost too many members of his family.

So when you and the other members of the 104th Cadet Corps were brought even deeper into the fold of the Survey Corps, he found himself conflicted. He knew that the war to save humanity was a necessary one. He knew that soldiers died and had to be replaced - he had seen it done for years. However, this time he couldn’t quite quash the emotional turmoil that came with seeing your bright, determined eyes in training, ready for the inevitable trauma to come.

—

When had it started? You often found yourself in Captain Levi’s office at the behest of Commander Erwin, who sent you to aid Levi with his overwhelming load of paperwork and his abhorrent sleeping patterns (if you could even call them that). The arrangement had begun shortly before the expedition to capture the Female Titan. Captain Levi was, unsurprisingly, less-than-enthused with the idea of some new brat from the 104th Cadet Corps suddenly becoming his “personal assistant” - At least, that was what Erwin had insisted he refer to you as. A command coming directly from Erwin could not be ignored, and Levi was well aware of it. So instead of throwing you out on your ass the moment you first walked through the door, he simply replied with an annoyed “tch,” and returned his attention to the overdue paperwork making a mess of his desk.

For the first few days, you simply observed his pre-existing workflow. The blissful quiet and lack of interruptions were music to Levi’s ears, so he let you be. Meanwhile, you diligently memorized when he was most productive in his administrative duties, when and how he took his tea, when the best times to clean up were, and when you should leave him alone. Frankly, your Captain was terrible at remembering to take care of himself - he was so busy taking care of his duties to the Corps. With the information you had surmised, you devised a plan that you were unsure would even work on notoriously stubborn Levi Ackerman. Regardless, you had been given a task by Commander Erwin that you were compelled to complete.

—

1 Week to Expedition

It was uncharacteristically cold out. Rain battered the windows of Levi’s office and the howling wind proved an irritating distraction from the work in front of him. Nevermind that he had to light a fire in the fireplace to keep the damn room warm.  _ Dirt. Dust. Grime.  _ Just the thought of how utterly  **filthy** the room was going to be because of the fucking fire roaring in the fireplace made him shudder.

_ Well,  _ he mused,  _ I can at least keep Cadet l/n busy with deep cleaning the office. It should keep her out of my hair. _

As if on cue, three successive raps on his door pulled him from his reverie. He lifted his head slowly, his piercing grey eyes narrowing on the doorframe. “Name and business,” Levi demanded in his characteristic, monotone drawl.

“Cadet l/n, Captain Levi. I’m reporting for my daily duties. May I enter?” You responded, slightly muffled by the thick oak door and howling of the wind.

“Proceed.” Levi did not wait for you to come in before returning to his paperwork.

He was about to order you to begin cleaning when he picked up on the familiar scent of black tea wafting into the room. Before he could raise his eyes to find the source, he caught sight of a delicate hand placing a cup of steaming liquid on the left side of his workspace. Wordlessly, he looked up toward you with an eyebrow quirked in question.

“It’s not poisoned, Captain. It’s just Earl Grey,” you said, slightly amused by the suspicion Levi was communicating in his expression.

“Yes, but why?”

“Because this is when you normally start craving another cup, and it’s freezing out.”

A pregnant pause filled the room as Levi tried to process what your words meant.  _ She’s more observant than I thought. That could be dangerous. _

With an air of hesitation, he picked up the cup and brought it to his lips. The intoxicating scent of bergamot filled his senses as he took a sip.  _ Perfectly prepared. Not many people know how to make a good fucking cup of tea around here.  _ He was impressed, but he wasn’t about to let you know it.

“Not bad, Cadet. At least you can make a half-way decent cup of tea.” Levi uttered, returning to his work. “Maybe now you could make yourself useful and -”

You already knew what he planned to assign you, so you bravely (or stupidly, you weren’t sure just yet) cut him off and save both parties some time.

“Clean the dust and grime building up from the fire? I was already planning on it.” Without another word, you turned to get the cleaning supplies you needed and went to work.

Captain Levi was dumbstruck by the forwardness you had exhibited. If it had been anyone else, he would have given them stable duty for a month. For some reason though, he couldn’t bring himself to be anything but impressed by your ability to take charge.  _ Attractive _ , Levi mused - not that the closed-off soldier considered acting on such frivolous thoughts. A distraction; that’s all ‘romance’ was.

Unlike the last three days that you had simply sat watching Captain Levi, you were now fully engaged in the tasks set before you by Commander Erwin. It came as a surprise to the normally nonplussed man; you were entirely in tune with his schedule and complimented it with such grace and simplicity that it was as if you were another him. Frankly, it made his work much easier and he was grateful for it.

—

4 Days till Expedition

You could tell Captain Levi was in a mood when he unceremoniously flung the door of his office open, strode to his desk, and practically collapsed into his chair. Instead of asking him about his morning like you were in the habit of doing, you returned to the task of dusting off the shelves closest to the fireplace. The Captain had been dissatisfied with the original job you had done following the day he had to use the blasted fireplace to make sure his ass didn’t freeze off.

Levi  _ was _ in a mood. Erwin briefed him on the upcoming expedition and plan to capture the Female Titan whom they suspected of having infiltrated the military in some way. He had complete trust in Erwin - he knew the Commander had a reason for hiding the true goal of the expedition from everyone but a select, trusted few. They had a rat - a fucking disgusting rat that needed to be taken care of quickly to ensure the longevity of the Survey Corps.

Before he could dig himself deeper into the negative feedback loop that plagued his mind, you knew you had to intervene. Levi was already a grumpy and insufferable man on a good day; you didn’t want to even broach the idea of what he could be like on a  **bad** day. You already warmed the kettle in preparation for his return and made a blend of chamomile, peppermint, and spearmint to relieve the tension afflicting your superior. Whether willing to admit it or not, you genuinely cared for his well-being - not just because Commander Erwin had assigned you to see to it. It was then you began to wonder when you had started to feel this way.

Quietly, so not to disturb Levi just yet, you made your way over to his desk and gingerly set down his tea. “Careful,” you murmured, turning the handle toward him even though you knew he wouldn’t use it, “it’s a bit hot still, but it should provide you some relief.”

Levi inhaled deeply and carded his fingers through his hair, pushing it away from his face. As he lifted his head, steel-grey eyes met gentle e/c ones and he felt his heart squeeze. You weren’t one to hide behind a wall - Everything you felt and thought was out in the open. Levi admired that about you.

“Thanks.” He murmured before taking a careful sip of the tea. He allowed the fragrance and the comfort of the warm liquid to envelop him. You watched on as his eyes fluttered shut for a moment and found yourself unable to look away.  _ He’s so beautiful. _ You mused before quietly chastising yourself.  _ That’s your captain. Your superior. Nothing more, nothing less. _

You made a move to walk away when a warm hand curled around your wrist, gently stopping you. “Captain?” You called, bemused by the sudden physical contact.

Levi wasn’t entirely sure why he had reached for you at that moment, and he wasn’t entirely sure what to say that could make it less awkward. Instead, he cleared his throat and let go of your wrist. “Nothing, sorry. Thanks for the tea, Brat.”

You smiled to yourself and turned to glance back at him, your h/c hair gently swaying with your turn. “You’re welcome, Captain.”

—

2 Days til Expedition

“Levi,” his monotone voice rang out in the otherwise silent office.

“I’m sorry?” You replied, bemused.

“Drop the honorifics when we’re alone. Levi is just fine.” He muttered, furiously scribbling on a report Erwin had requested be given to him that evening,  _ two fucking weeks before schedule  _ might he add.

“Alright Ca— er — Levi.” You responded dubiously. It was difficult to know what the Captain was thinking, especially when his inscrutable countenance gave so little away.

You knew his personality, his outward presentation, was one that served as a defense much like that of Wall Sina. It protected him in the deepest sense, and you could understand why. What you couldn’t wrap your head around was why he - consciously or not - was letting you  _ behind _ his walls. It took everything inside of you to not lend that fact to hope for the future.

_ You are a soldier. You are dedicated to your duty to protect humanity. The Captain is the same and that is exactly how things will remain. _ This was a thought you had to constantly drill into yourself. It was the only way to keep your blossoming feelings at bay.

Levi wouldn’t admit the way his heart skipped a beat when you said his name. In fact, he refused to acknowledge it entirely. Any feelings he may have towards you - any  _ inkling  _ of admiration, of affection - he would shove them deep within himself just as he had done with everyone and everything else.

“Brat - Don’t you have training to get to? You’re about to go out of the walls for the first time. I’d consider getting extra training time in. Don’t want you to shit your pants the first time you see a titan.” Levi grumbled.  _ I also don’t want you to die - you need to make it back. _

“Alright, Cap— Levi. I’ll see you tomorrow. Please make sure to get to bed at a reasonable time. And no more black tea! Stick to camomile. Commander Erwin is going to kill me if I can’t get your sleeping schedule in check.” You called after him before dashing out the door. It seems you were more serious and devoted to your training than he had originally thought.

Though it was hard to ignore the emptiness encompassing his study in your absence. Regardless, he persisted.

—

The days leading up to the expedition were hectic. The formation was changed repeatedly before finally being nailed down, the superior officers were more tense than usual, and the new cadets were practically shaking the entire barracks with their anticipation. Y/N continued her assistant duties to Levi as much as she could, but he was often in meetings or away from the office. Furthermore, he had demanded that she take more time to prepare for what was to come.

—

Expedition Day

“Brat - You’re riding with my Squad.” The way he said it left no room for argument.

“But the Commander has me placed with Mike’s squad. Why the sudden change?” You inquired, eyebrows raised. Something didn’t seem right about this sudden transfer and you wondered if it had to do with an actual need to change the formation or more with the personal concerns of Captain Levi.

“Did I say you could ask questions? Just follow orders.” Levi snapped before grabbing the reins of your horse and guiding yours right next to his. “Stay close, listen to my commands, and don’t get killed. I need another person on my squad to guard Eren.” He certainly hoped that explanation would keep you from asking more questions.  _ I can’t even admit the reason I need you on my squad to myself, how the fuck do you think I could tell you? _

“Yes, Captain” was the only response you gave before taking your place in his squad’s formation.

At first, the plans Commander Erwin had set out seemed to be going off without a hitch. Titans were being spotted on the outer edges of the formation, but they were dealt with swiftly by capable soldiers. While the current situation put you somewhat at ease, you resolved to remain alert and aware of your respondings. After all, you had to prepare yourself for the worst.

What you didn’t realize was that the worst was coming at you at an inhumanly fast rate.

Flares from the right flank shot off in what seemed like rapid succession. While that may not have been unusual, the color turned your blood cold.

_ Black. _

“Shit,” Levi hissed, “The right flank has been compromised.”

Trying to remain calm, you surveyed your surroundings. “Your orders, Captain?”

“Eren, fire a black flare” came the response.

“R-Right!” Eren replied, fumbling for his flare gun. It took him a moment, but the flare was sent up without a hitch.

It was soon after that a messenger came to report the Female Titan was headed for the center where Levi’s squad was positioned. In response, he sent Petra to forward the message to their left. “Come back immediately after sending it along!” Levi roared over the galloping of the horses.

“Yes, Captain!” was her swift reply as she shot to the left on her horse. She had always been a demon on horseback - quick, balanced, skilled.

You monitored the situation and noticed that Levi was acting off - he was staring straight ahead. “Captain, shouldn’t we be more aware of our surroundings?” You called, hoping to get him to come to his senses.

“Shut up and follow me, Cadet.” He said evenly, his eyes hardening. “We follow where the flares tell us to go and that’s the end of it.”

Silence overtook the group as each member of the Special Ops squad tried to remain calm as they were led into the thick trees of a forest.

“Captain! We’re being separated from the rest of the formation!” came Eren’s frantic protest.

There was no response from Levi.

“Captain what about the others?!” He tried again, becoming increasingly agitated with each step deeper into the forest.

“Eren, trust in the Captain. Trust in us.” Petra replied in a soothing, but firm tone. “Look ahead. Keep riding.”

“But -”

“Trust us.”

The reassurance didn’t last long. A loud roar shook the trees around the squad and the ground trembled with each step of a titan flying towards them at inhuman speeds. You noticed as several corps members flung themselves from the surrounding trees to intercept the Female Titan, but it was all for naught. Not only was she unphased, she tossed them aside like fodder and crushed them under her. What horrified you the most was her knowledge of the ODM gear that your comrades were using. She used it against them, grabbing for the wires and using their momentum to crush their bodies against the nearby trees. Swallowing thickly, you turned away and picked up the pace.

“Captain, your orders!” Petra called, well aware that the situation was dire.

Deafening silence was the only response.

“CAPTAIN!” Petra pleaded, her eyes boring into the back of his head.

“Petra he isn’t telling us something for a reason! Just follow him - He won’t lead us astray!” You yelled, heart squeezing painfully. Your faith, your life, it was all in Levi’s hands.

You knew he wouldn’t let the flame die.

Eren, however, did not have the faith that the rest of the squad had in Levi. In fact, he was astonished that  **you** would show such dedication to him when right behind you, your comrades were being slaughtered in an attempt to defend  **him** . To defend the squad protecting him. His eyes clouded with confliction before becoming resolute. He lifted his hand to his mouth, prepared to take on the Female Titan himself. He would not let more of his friends die trying to protect him.

“Eren, please! Don’t do it! Captain left that to you as a last resort - we promise we will get through this safely.” Petra’s voice rang through the squad’s formation. The desperation and pain in her words were not lost.

Once again Eren was in conflict.

Before you could open your mouth to say something, Levi stopped you.

“If you want to do it, I won’t stop you.” came his solemn reply. “I don’t pretend to know the right answer to everything. Make the choice that you feel you won’t regret.”

Once again you felt your chest tighten, unsure if it was from the anxiety brought by the situation or by the muted self-disgust behind Levi’s words. You couldn’t look at Eren. You couldn’t look at anyone. Instead, you stared straight ahead, focusing your thoughts on completing the assignment set before you.

Eren let out a yell of frustration before returning both hands to the reigns of his horse and relief flooded the squad.

“We’re almost there.” Levi murmured, mostly to himself. “Just a little longer.”

His words were like a prayer - one that you also sent into the world.

—

Before long, you ran across a mass of soldiers on each side of the road with large contraptions at the ready. While you were unsure of their purpose, you caught a glimpse of Hange’s determined face in the trees. Whatever they were, you knew they could be deadly.

The Female Titan was close by as Levi’s squad passed the traps, and once you were safely out of range you heard Hange’s order ring clearly through the forest.

“FIRE.”

The sound of traps being sprung, skin and muscle being torn apart, and yells of anguish reached your ears. You whipped your head around furiously and found that the Female Titan had been pierced by what looked like steel spikes connected to sturdy, metal ropes.

Eren had been bait. You wanted to vomit.

—

Levi had unceremoniously left you all in the command of Eld before returning to assist with the capture of the Female Titan.

“Tie up the horses somewhere safe, rest, and wait for my signal.” Were his only words before flying through the trees.

The rest was more than welcome, but the reality of what had occurred was now heavy on the shoulders of all of you. Your throat felt thick and swallowing did nothing to relieve the discomfort. Eren had been bait. The entire squad was used to capture that abnormal and in the process, you all could have died.

_ But you didn’t. _

Petra, Eld, Oluo, Gunther, Eren, and you all discussed the revelation in depth. While hurt that you had not been told the specifics of the operation, you each realized that it was probably for the best. There was most likely a spy among the Survey Corps, and this was the best way to ensure the expedition succeeded. Now that the Female Titan was in custody, the Survey Corps could learn far more about what Titans were and how they functioned.

After what seemed like an eternity, Petra noticed a flare being shot off.

“Must be Captain Levi’s signal to meet. Let’s go.” Oluo grunted before mounting his horse.

—

You rode in relative silence, all grateful that the hard part was over and you could return to the safety behind Wall Rose.

You really shouldn’t have counted yourselves safe before the gates closed behind you. It was Gunther who noticed a suspicious individual soaring through the trees above you all, donning the Survey Corps uniform.

“That’s them! That has to be the damn snitch!” Gunther yelled before taking off after them in his ODM gear.

“Gunther wait!” Petra yelled.

“Dammit Gunther don’t go off on your own!” came Eld’s strict reply.

Before anyone knew what had happened, it was too late. Gunther was dead, hanging limply by his gear lines that were still attached to the tree.

You were being targeted.

—

Eren had been told to save himself. You were supposed to make sure he stayed safe. Petra, Eld, and Oluo stayed behind to defend against the Female Titan who had once again appeared. The operation had failed; you were paying for it with your lives.

Seeing the merciless slaughter of the team you had grown close with over the past month set a fire within you. Your blood boiled, your skin burned, and a deafening snarl tore from your throat.

“EREN GET TO SAFETY!” You commanded before taking off towards the titan.

“Y/N NO!” Eren screamed.

You shot through the trees at lightning speed, eyes filled with murderous rage. Petra. Oluo. Eld. Gunther. You would not let their deaths go unresolved. You would get revenge. You launched yourself at the Female Titan’s nape, retracting your ODM gear so that it could not be used against you. Another scream tore through your throat as you drew your blades, determined to shred the bitch until nothing remained.

The Female Titan was aware of your oncoming attack - not that you had done much to hide it. The stealth that you were once known for in your graduating class had been thrown to the wind along with your caution. You weren’t sure why you had allowed your emotions to overcome you, but you knew there was no turning back. Odds were you would suffer the same fate as your friends.

Well, that was better than the survivor’s guilt anyway.

Time seemed to slow as the titan turned her attention to you, reaching up to swipe you into oblivion. Regardless, you pressed on. With a silent apology to Levi, whom you’d grown close to, you positioned your blades for his signature move in unconscious homage to Humanity’s Greatest Soldier. You would not go down without a fight. However, before you could land a blow, you felt yourself being knocked to the side. The Female Titan was now out of view.

At first, you thought she had simply attacked you first, but you became intensely aware of strong arms enveloping you as you flew through the forest. The next thing you heard was an inhuman roar.

Eren had transformed.

“Are you trying to get yourself killed?” Hissed your savior, grey eyes cast ahead. A storm was brewing within them, but he refused to let it roar uncontained. Not in the middle of a life-or-death battle.

Your Captain had come for you, and your protests died in your throat. “Petra…Oluo…They all-” was the weak response you provided.

“They fulfilled their duties as soldiers. You, however, surrendered to your emotion and almost threw away your life.” Snarled Levi.

Silence was all that followed. Deafening. You had no rebuttal.

“We’ll continue this in my office after we get back, Cadet.”

—

Having to throw your friends’ bodies from the cart as you made your getaway with the surviving members of the Corps only added salt to the wound. While others fought the order originally, you found yourself with a stone in your stomach and a lump in your throat.

For Levi, it was the same.

With one last look at the people you had come to love as family, you sent them off to the vast unknown, wishing you could follow.

—

Watching Levi listen to the proud declarations of Petra’s father was absolute torture. His body was slumped in defeat, his raven hair covering his eyes. Without a word you jumped from your cart and went to Petra’s family to break the news. Your hand took his wrist as Levi rode away and with a deep breath and a resolute stare, you broke the news.

“Petra Ral was a brave soldier who lost her life in the line of duty. Her ultimate sacrifice for the sake of humanity will not be forgotten - It will live on in me and the rest of the Survey Corps. I’m sorry for your loss, but I hope knowing she remains within us all is of some comfort to you.”

You weren’t sure what hurt you more: the hopelessness in his eyes, or the sound of the dirt giving way as the poor man fell to his knees.

It took everything you had not to cry.

—

Levi’s Office 2100 hours.

“Do you plan to defend yourself, Cadet?”

“No, Captain. I have no defense.”

The familiarity that Levi had shared with you was absent. A somber, tense atmosphere replaced it. After everything you had lost that day, you couldn’t quite bring yourself to care.

“You went out there, blades at the ready, with the  _ plan to die _ .” He began, struggling to keep his tone even. “Your poor excuse for revenge is a pretty fucking thin veil for your intention to give up. Remind me, did I train you that way?”

“No, Captain.” You uttered, e/c eyes cast downward. Your throat was raw from your earlier outburst, and all you could manage was a quiet, hoarse voice.

Levi’s patience was quickly wearing thin. He wasn’t sure what he wanted from you, but this wasn’t it. Your lack of fight was unnerving, your usual fire stamped out.

A loud slam reverberated in the room and you jumped. Levi appeared directly in front of you, as if out of thin air. He grabbed your chin between his thumb and forefinger and forced you to look at him. “Is ‘No, Captain’ the only response I’m going to get from you all night, f/n?” A snarl ripped from his throat, the storm in his chest beginning to overwhelm him.

You swallowed thickly, locking your gaze on his. “What would you have of me, Captain? I have no excuse. I have no reason. I lost my composure in the heat of battle and resounded to die. Is that what you want to hear? That I gave up? That I watched the people closest to me get slaughtered and felt I couldn’t go on?” The volume of your voice increased with every sentence you spoke. You ignored the burning in the back of your throat and the scratching that came with every syllable. Not only were you ashamed of your actions during the expedition, but you were also frustrated that Levi would not leave you alone.

“I lost my Squad, f/n! You don’t see me giving in to despair.”

“I lost my friends - my family!” You yelled, surprised by your own insubordination.

Once again the somber melody of silence fell between you both.

The conflict in his steel-grey eyes was palpable. Levi’s heart was hammering in his chest. His breaths were being pointedly controlled.

You expected him to hit you, kick you, throw you out. You expected him to respond in the same way he did with any other misbehaving cadet, but he didn’t. He just…stared at you, trying to figure out what to say.

“Then you know why I don’t want to lose you too.” Came his eventual reply. He did not allow you time to respond. “Dismissed, Cadet. I want you in my office at 0900 hours tomorrow. This office is filthy and the floors need to be scrubbed.” Levi reluctantly pulled away, turning his back to you.

He couldn’t handle any more tonight.

You took a deep breath and turned on your heel, making your way to the door. The familiar texture of the handle beneath you was grounding.

“I don’t want to lose you either, Levi.” And with that, you were gone.

You weren’t sure where this left you both, but it didn’t matter. Morning was just around the bend. 


	2. Of Pride and Competition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The memory of last night lingering in each of you, Levi tries to handle your sudden sheepish disposition. Will things remain awkward, or will you be able to get past your emotionally-charged argument following the death of the original Special Ops Squad? What will happen to Levi's team when it is repopulated with members of the 104th Cadet Corps? 
> 
> Are either of you ready for the uncertainty that follows?

Levi’s Office 0930 Hours

Silence was thick in the air as you went about scrubbing the floors of Captain Levi’s office. The tea you placed on his desk sat untouched and cold, and Levi would scarcely look at you. You had been at this for a half-hour already and your hands were raw. The strong scent of lemon was beginning to make you feel sick, but you ignored it in favor of completing your task faster.

It was easier to focus your attention on a dirty floor than the whirlwind of emotions in your chest anyway.

Levi tried desperately to ignore your presence in the room, internally cursing himself for the weakness he had shown the night before. It was not his intention to let your importance to him slip past his lips. Caring and compassion were weaknesses that had to be stomped out both in the Underground and in the Survey Corps.

_ Weaknesses get you killed. _

Furthermore, your own confession weighed heavily on his mind.  _ Damn you Erwin - this is a fucking pain in the ass _ , he thought, his grip tightening on the pen he was holding. His eyes were a dark grey, like the clouds of an oncoming storm. The nonverbal agreement between you both seemed to be that you wouldn’t talk about it. Levi liked it that way.

The raven-haired soldier briefly lifted his head from his work to see you on your hands and knees, working diligently on the floors. While he was more-than-satisfied with the work you were putting in, he was also keenly aware of the damage you were doing to your hands. If you scrubbed any harder, you threatened to make yourself bleed.

“Take a break, Brat.”

“I’m almost done, Captain. I’ll get out of your way soon.”

“Not the point. If you don’t take a fucking break you’re going to bleed everywhere and just make the floors filthy again. Get up, that’s an order.” Levi commanded, his tone leaving no room for argument.

With a small sigh, you stood, placing the scrub brush back in the bucket before moving them both to the corner of the room. The last thing you needed was for one of you to trip over the damn thing and ruin the work you had already put in. Without a task to focus on, you became increasingly aware of the sharp, throbbing pain in your hands.

The next thing you heard was Levi’s trademark “Tch,” followed by the sound of his chair scraping across the floor. His footsteps echoed in the otherwise quiet room as he made his way toward you. The next thing you were aware of was a firm, but gentle grip on your wrist.

“Come here,” Levi muttered, shielding his face as he led you through the office to his bedroom and into his private bathroom.

You stood there dubiously, unsure of what he expected of you.

“Well don’t just fucking stand there, Idiot. Sit on the edge of the tub.” He barked, slipping past you to get his first aid kit.

You complied, keeping your eyes locked on the floor while you waited for his return.

Levi decided he didn’t like your uncharacteristic silence; nor did he like the sheepish disposition he was met with since this morning. Regardless of what had transpired last night, he didn’t like things being so…so…

Awkward.

The silence, the way you looked at your shoes like a child being scolded, his inability to make his own mouth fucking move for anything other than commands - it all pissed him off. Levi grumbled to himself as he made his way back to the bathroom, kit in hand.

You were startled to see him squat in front of you, his eyes searching for yours.

“I’m going to wrap your hands. Just stay still.” He muttered, opening the kit and procuring some antiseptic, antibiotic cream, and wrapping.

“I can do it myself.” You replied, an eyebrow quirked.

“And make a mess of my bathroom? No fucking thank you.”

Much to Levi’s surprise, you actually snorted. “I’m pretty sure if I can keep your office clean, I can make sure not to fuck up your bathroom.”

“Yeah well, my faith in brats is pretty minimal.” He reminded, as if you could forget.

“Luckily the only brat here is you.”

Silence.

You were pretty sure you were about to get decked across the face for your comment and floundered for a proper apology. Hell, you weren’t even sure where you got the balls to let something like that slip past your lips.

“Captain, I - that was -”

What came next was almost more frightening than a fist: Laughter.

You sat in stunned silence, your eyes wide as you watched Captain Levi actually  **laugh** . He was still squatting in front of you, but his eyes were shut and he had one hand on his forehead, a grin on his face.

“You’ve been quiet as a fucking mouse all day and  **this** is the moment that your characteristic sass comes back? You’ve got to be shitting me.” He cackled, taking a deep breath to compose himself. “I’m pretty sure if you were anyone else I would have beat the shit out of you.”

“Honestly, that’s what I was expecting.” You conceded, still dumbfounded.

“You’re staring at me like you’ve seen a ghost, Cadet.”

“Can you blame me? You laughed.”

“Contrary to the rumors you Brats like to spread around, I’m not emotionless.”

“No, just  _ almost _ emotionless.” You quipped, looking away from Levi. It was difficult to maintain your composure when he regarded you so sincerely.

_ Why do you have to be so alluring? _

For the first time in a long time, Humanity’s Strongest Soldier found himself sincerely enjoying the company of someone else. It eased the sting of the losses he had experienced the following day, if only slightly. The revelation should concern him, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night, f/n. Now let me clean up your damn hands.”

—

Training Grounds, One Week Later

Levi’s new squad was a royal pain in his ass. They may be talented, but they were young, stupid, and really fucking annoying most of the time.  _ Well, everyone but f/n _ , the captain mused, keeping his expression flat.

Eren was especially difficult for Levi to handle. His passion and dedication were admirable, sure, but he was too emotional and almost refused to  **fucking think** .

Mikasa was in a league of her own, skilled in all aspects of being a soldier, but her loyalty was not with the Survey Corps. It was with Eren.

Connie was alright most of the time. The kid had better-than-average skills, and he was dedicated. However, the air in his head could fill a hot air balloon. 

Jean irritated Levi; he was a skilled soldier, but also extremely fucking  **arrogant** . Levi assured himself his distaste for Jean had nothing to do with his ceaseless attempts to get into your pants, or the fact that he was overly touchy with you whenever he got the chance. No, it was just his arrogance.

Sasha? Don’t get him started on Sasha. She was…something.

Prying Eren back from the hands of the Military Police had been a feat requiring unfathomable sacrifices of soldiers and innocent citizens alike. Managing to finally detain the Female Titan, Annie Leonhart, was a bitter victory for all of you. So many dead, so much destruction, all for a prisoner that couldn’t even be questioned. While Eren was safe for now, it was clear Levi and Erwin had their work cut out for them. For now, training served as a welcome distraction for everyone on the squad. Besides, he wanted his new members up to his standards within two months. 

He had seen you train and had trained with you many times, even before the last expedition. Frankly, he  **made** you train with him and his squad while Hange dug her greedy paws into Eren. While she experimented to her heart’s content (and to Eren’s increasing frustration), he wanted to get you close to the skill level of the Special Operations Squad. After all, you were his “personal assistant” - He wasn’t about to let you get your ass killed after one expedition.

Your extra training with Captain Levi made you useful when running drills and training scenarios. Levi found himself leaning on you when it came to explaining certain intricacies that came with his brand of training. He was a hardass - a very,  **very** particular hardass. You were the only one who would be able to satisfy his requirements from the very beginning.

_ Well, you were the only one left _ . The thought left a bitter taste in Levi’s mouth, so he quickly turned his attention to the sparring pairs he had set for his squad members. Mikasa already had Sasha on her ass, Armin was desperately trying to hold his own against Connie, Jean and Eren were practically at each other's' throats in an attempt to be the one on top, and Krista had tapped out during your sparring match with her five minutes ago.

To Captain Levi, this meant you weren’t getting in enough training. “Oi, Cadet l/n. Take on Krista again.”

“With all due respect, Captain, I don’t think I should.”

“And why is that?”

“Well,” you winced, glancing at the injured cadet on the floor, “I was a bit too rough and damaged her shoulder.”

“Tch. Krista, what the hell were you doing? Was the fight really that one-sided?” Levi demanded, marching over to the pair.

“Well - I - Yes, actually it was.” She murmured, her eyes cast downward. “Since she started training with your squad originally, I can’t keep up just yet.”

Maybe it hadn’t been the best idea to pair you with one of your old comrades just yet. 

“Go get patched up, Cadet. When you’re done, come back and give me thirty laps around the green. We’ll start with your stamina.” Came the Captain’s calculated response.

As Krista left to see her shoulder tended to, Levi’s piercing gaze focused on you instead. “It seems that you need a sparring partner at your level. If Mikasa wasn’t currently trying to wrangle Eren and Jean, I’d put you with her.”

“I have a better sparring partner in mind.” You smirked, feeling cocky after such a one-sided sparring match.

“Hoh? Who exactly did you have in mind?”

“I think it’s time the student showed up her teacher, Captain.”

A flash of amusement spread over Levi’s face, but he soon crossed his arms and pressed his lips into a firm line. “You really think you can take me on, huh?”

“Not only can I take you on, Captain.” You said, leaning closer to him so you could speak to him without the others hearing, “I’ll have you on your ass before you even know what hits you.”

Levi wasn’t sure whether to laugh at you outright for your overconfidence or punish you for it. He supposed he could give you the chance to face off against him and punish you after you lost miserably.  _ Add salt to the wound to teach her a lesson _ , he thought.

“Alright, Cadet. Let’s see if you can survive even a minute sparring with me.”

The bond that you and Captain Levi had formed since you became his assistant had only grown. He thought of you as a friend, though he wouldn’t publicly admit it. Though, knowing you, he didn’t have to. In private, you were something of a reprieve from his daily stressors. You made sure his workspace was clean, provided a great fucking cup of tea, and made sure that his paperwork was done in a timely manner and that he actually  _ slept _ . Levi decided this was the reason he was so soft on you at times, not immediately punishing you for sassing him. He found your snarky comments and sarcasm oddly soothing in his office and out. You saw Levi for  **Levi** \- He wasn’t just Humanity’s Strongest to you.

_ Maybe that’s why I’m so quick to give in to her ridiculous challenges. _

A wide grin had spread across your face when you realized he agreed to spar with you. “Thank you, Captain! It’ll be fun to go against you!”

“Fun for me, sure. Especially once I get to wipe that cocky smirk off of your face.” Levi quipped, clapping his hands twice.

“Oi, Brats. Stop your sparring sessions for a minute and watch what happens when you try to challenge your Captain. Apparently Cadet l/n needs a lesson in how quickly overconfidence can fuck you over.”

The squad -  _ his squad _ , he reminded himself - turned their attention to f/n in disbelief. Either you were extremely brave or extremely stupid.

Captain Levi knew you were both.

Wordlessly, you each assumed a fighting stance, carefully observing each other’s movements. The tension in the air was so thick that Eren was certain he could cut it with a knife. The only sound that could be heard was the rustling of leaves and the calm breathing of both Captain Levi and Cadet l/n.

Realizing you weren’t going to take the first move, Levi lunged forward before planting his left foot firmly on the ground and twisting himself into a roundhouse kick. You dodged his attack effortlessly, e/c eyes trained on his each and every movement.

Needless to say, he was impressed that you even managed to dodge, expecting you to block instead. However, he didn’t have time to entertain the hubris of one of his subordinates, so he continued his onslaught in rapid succession. Punch after punch was either smacked away or avoided effortlessly - as if you were dancing.

Frustration mounted in Captain Levi. For someone who was so keen on sparring with him, you hadn’t gone on the offensive  _ once _ yet. If you expected to tire him out and then strike, they would be there all night.

_ I have to end this now _ , Levi thought as he searched for an opening. Then it dawned on him - you never let him see your back. Each dodge, each block that you put up kept him from getting to your back.  _ That’s where I get her. She can’t defend herself from attacks that originate from behind her. _

Using the inhuman speed Levi was known for, he shot past you and whirled around to lock you in a chokehold. What he didn’t see the moment he passed you was the smirk that plastered your face. He realized a moment too late that you had made no move to stop him from getting behind you.

With a mirthless chuckle, you grabbed the arm he had reached with and, using his momentum, flung him over you and onto the dirt with a loud  _ thud _ . Taking advantage of the mere seconds Captain Levi would be dazed, you jumped on top of him, straddling his hips and pressing his legs down with yours. Your hands found his and you pinned them next to his head, panting heavily.

Levi gaped at you, his grey eyes finding yours. You had completely changed your fighting style to erase all of the patterns he had grown accustomed to when training you. He opened his mouth to speak, but found the words caught in his throat as he saw the animalistic look on your face. With every heaving breath you took, your body pressed against Levi’s.

“I win.” You murmured, leaning in to whisper in his ear. “What was that about teaching me a lesson, Captain?”

Your voice was a sultry purr in his ear and he could no longer ignore how tight his uniform suddenly felt. However, he would not let you have the win - even if he had to play dirty.

“I still plan to bend you over my desk to teach you that lesson.” He murmured in your ear, his hips shifting slightly under you.

You gasped and for a moment your grip on Levi lessened. 

That was all he needed.

Before you could rectify your mistake, Levi had pushed you off of his torso and wrapped his legs around your hips, rolling you under him and pinning you. By now, he was panting too. His uniform was a mess, his hair disheveled, and his pupils blown. This time he would ensure you conceded, so he had pinned both of your arms with one of his and wrapped the other hand around your throat, squeezing firmly, but not enough to actually cut off your air supply.

“Do you yield, Cadet?” He growled, his voice rough with poorly-concealed desire.

“Yes I - I yield.” You whispered, absolutely breathless.

Ostensibly the two of you had taken a moment more than necessary to stare at each other in such a compromising position because Eren loudly cleared his throat.

Suppressing his desire to shoot a glare at Eren and give him a week of stable duty, Levi removed himself from you and stalked away. “You’re dismissed for the day. And Cadet l/n, I expect you in my office after dinner to start scrubbing my floors with a toothbrush.”

Panting, extremely aroused, and even more pissed off, you groaned. It was going to be a long night.

—

Dinner Hour

As the day left you, you found yourself becoming increasingly irritated with Levi. That should have been  **your** win. It would have been your win if he hadn’t used such a dirty tactic. 

_ A sore fucking loser _ , you cursed, ignoring the irony of your statement. 

You were so annoyed, in fact, that you disregarded Levi for the rest of the day. You did not bring him tea, you did not organize his workspace, and you certainly didn’t provide him any relief from the workload weighing him down. When you sat with Eren and the other cadets at dinner, you could practically feel his glare burning a hole in your uniform. 

Frankly, you didn’t fucking care. You’d be sure to give him a piece of your mind later. 

\--

Levi’s Office 1900 Hours

“What the hell was that, Levi?” You snarled, slamming the door to his office behind you.

“Which part? Me kicking your ass or me absolutely kicking your ass?” Came his monotone reply as he continued reading over a report from Hange.

“How about you playing dirty to secure your win? I  **had you** . Are you that much of a sore loser?”

“I never tapped out. You wrongly assumed that the fight was over - your cockiness is what fucked you.” Levi couldn’t mask the amusement in his voice. Getting you riled up was fun once in a while, he decided. Furthermore, it was fitting revenge for ignoring him all day.

_ Your move, f/n _ .

He wouldn’t listen to your ranting about it? Fine. You’d  **make** him listen. You stalked around the desk and whipped his chair around to face you, pinning him in place with your hands on each armrest and your knee between his legs. “So the comment about bending me over your desk to teach me a lesson wasn’t dirty?” You snapped, your eyes boring into his.

“It’s not my fault that you lowered your defenses because of something I said.”

“Something you knew would get a response out of me! You don’t just fuck with someone like that!”

Levi’s patience was thinning, his eyes darkening, “Do you really think an enemy is going to play nice when you’re out in the field, f/n? Do you really think they won’t use any perceived weakness against you?”

“You aren’t an enemy. It was a sparring match between a Squad Leader and a Cadet - between two friends.” You hissed, knuckles white on the armrests of Levi’s chair.

“Our perceived relationship is of no fucking consequence during sparring. You know that. Sparring is meant to hone your skills and keep you from getting your shitty ass killed when you get into a real fight.” He snarled, brow furrowing.

“So using my obvious attraction to you is fair game? We don’t address it. We don’t give it the fucking time of day, but suddenly it’s okay to use during sparring?”

A pregnant silence filled the room. One you were not keen on entertaining for long.

“What about you, then, Levi? What about your obvious  _ issue _ during the fight that you had to dismiss the squad for? Is that something I should use against you the next time we go head to head?”

“F/n,” Levi started, his tone dangerous, “I suggest you shut your fucking mouth right now.”

“Why,” you mocked, “did I hit a nerve,  _ Captain _ ?”

“Because if you keep talking,” He began, leaning towards you threateningly, “I absolutely fucking will bend you over my desk to teach you a lesson.”

“Prove it.”

“ _ Fine _ .”

Suddenly, as though pulled together by powerful magnets, your lips met in a fierce battle for control. Your fingers sought purchase in raven hair and you tugged it as the war of tongues, teeth, and lips raged on. You were vaguely aware of being lifted by your ass out of the chair and unceremoniously dumped on the desk. Papers were scattered everywhere as Levi cleared the area, taking his place between your legs.

He held your neck in a tight grip with one hand, his other roughly shoving into your pants to find your slit. “Do you understand what you do to me?” He growled, biting at your clavicle as you bucked your hips into his hand. “I want to devour you. I want to own you.”

The thin string keeping both of you at bay had snapped, leaving chaos in its wake. Any semblance of reason - of control - was lost in the fray. 

“Levi I-” You began, your fingers digging into his hips as you pulled him closer. “I want you. I need you.” You breathed, your e/c eyes cloudy with desire.

_ I think I love you _ . A mutual thought that threatened to escape both of you.

“What have you done to me, F/n?” Levi choked out, burying his head in the crook of your neck and suckling on the sensitive skin.

Before you could go further, a sharp knock on the door got your attention. You both quickly pulled away, righting yourself before Levi spoke.

“Name and Business.”

“Oh come on, Shorty! It’s just me - I need to talk to you about our latest findings regarding Eren!” Came Hange’s cheerful voice.

“Tch. Shitty Glasses. Come in.” He groaned, glancing at you.

You were both aware of the line you had crossed, how you had both fucked up.

“Levi, I —”

“You’re dismissed, Cadet.”


	3. Of Fear and Resolution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Words unspoken often leave little room for resolution.

A Week Later; Levi’s Office 0900 Hours

Captain Levi hadn’t seen you in a week - he wasn’t sure if that frustrated him or brought him relief. Eren had been helping him around the office in your stead. This meant shitty tea, disorganized paperwork, and more work rather than more help. When Levi asked about your absence, Eren had mumbled something about Hange needing help with some of her experiments - another set of eyes. To the Captain’s surprise, Hange had corroborated the story, detailing the ongoing studies (much to Levi’s dismay).

The space you offered him allowed Levi time to process the events of that evening a week ago. Why had he done it? Why had he wanted to do it? More importantly, why had you let him?

You were both soldiers in a war with seemingly no end - A war that continued to rip away the people you were each close to. One day, that very same war would most likely kill both of you. Titans were dangerous and had become more unpredictable with each new revelation about them. Questions of sentience, unique skills, and titan shifters came to the forefront of the Survey Corps’ minds. Succumbing to carnal desires, feelings of passion, and especially love were absolutely out of the question. These feelings would prove deadly - they cloud the mind, prevent focusing on a mission, and leave soldiers vulnerable beyond the walls.

Levi saw firsthand how deep bonds could be a detriment with the losses of Isabel and Farlan. Even the seemingly distant bonds he had made with his original special-ops squad caused him immeasurable pain following their loss. Pursuing something like love meant breaking down his walls and leaving him open to harm, despair, and grief. Already the thought of losing you was like a knife to the gut.

What would it feel like if he let you in any more than he already had?

Thus, he resolved, next time he saw you he would make it clear that you were merely a member of his squad; nothing more, nothing less. What happened was a mistake that would not and could not be repeated. You each had a duty to your cause - You had to devote yourselves to saving humanity.

Three swift knocks on Captain Levi’s door broke him from his introspection.

“Eren if you’re here with that fucking disgusting tea again I suggest you leave before my boot makes contact with your face.”

“Luckily it isn’t Eren.” You responded, voice tight.

Levi cursed you quietly for your impeccable timing before approving your entry. He stood from his chair, expression resolute.

“Cadet.”

“Captain.”

The first thing Levi noticed was the guarded expression you wore. Instead of letting down your walls like you had both become accustomed to, he was met with almost indifference. He knew he should find that comforting considering his goal, but instead, it made his stomach clench unpleasantly. The second thing his slate-grey gaze found was the deep, dark circles under your eyes. Clearly you hadn’t been sleeping either.

“I wanted to talk to you about what happened last time we spoke.” Levi’s voice sounded foreign on his tongue. He wasn’t even sure he was speaking the right language.

“What a coincidence,” came your measured reply. You stood resolutely in the door, trying desperately to hide your rapid heartbeat. “I came to have the same conversation.”

“Cadet, what happened after our sparring match-”

“What happened to dropping honorifics in private?”

“That might have been my first mistake.” Something inside of Levi screamed at him to stop, but he did his best to silence it. “My second was letting my emotions get the best of me. I’m your Captain. You’re my subordinate. There’s nothing more to it - nothing less.”

You swallowed thickly, clasping your hands tightly behind your back in an attempt to gain control of the tension you felt building with each breath you took. Frankly, you weren’t entirely sure what you had planned to do by coming to Levi’s office. Did you want a clean, albeit painful break? Did you want to pursue something further? Were you supposed to listen to your head or to your heart? Your mind was racing so fast you weren’t sure you could keep up.

“Cadet?” He snapped you out of your thoughts quickly, noticing the conflict blooming in your e/c eyes.

Knowing better than to keep him waiting, you took a deep breath. What came to the forefront was his words to Eren on the expedition that had led to the demise of the entirety of Squad Levi. “I don’t think it was a mistake.”

“I’m sorry? I don’t remember asking your opin-”

“Let me finish.” You stated loudly, with more force than you probably meant to. Well aware of the possibility of punishment due to insubordination, you pressed on. “You’re the one who told us to make decisions that we wouldn’t regret. That’s what I’m doing.”

Levi met you with silence, eyeing you as you carefully formed your thoughts into words.

“You’re right. Having a relationship past that of Captain and Subordinate isn’t smart in the slightest, nor is it an appropriate course of action.”

“So you agree with me.”

“Let. Me. Finish.” You practically growled, finding it more difficult to contain the fire in your phrases with each passing moment. You made your way towards Levi, each step more confident and calculated than the last.

“You know what, you’re right - it was a mistake. Every step of the way, what we’ve built has been a mistake. It’s a mistake I’m willing to continue making at whatever the cost.”

Each step you made towards Levi forced him to clench his jaw tighter. Back again was the part of him screaming for him to give in and it was getting hard to ignore as the distance between you two became less and less. It felt as though you were both being pulled together by a taught rope and he could not bring himself to wrench away.

“Every time we venture outside of these walls, we give ourselves to humanity’s survival. We risk life and limb, coming back with new wounds only made worse by the snide remarks and sneers of the very people we are trying to save. We lose our friends, our colleagues, and the people we’ve come to love the most.” You stood toe-to-toe with your raven-haired captain, eyes blazing with the weight and force of your words.

“Maybe it’s safer to become battle-hardened, emotionless soldiers. Maybe it’s better to avoid fostering deeper connections with the people fighting alongside us. Maybe it’s better, but it’s not what I want. I refuse to swallow down what I feel for the sake of pride or comfort. Frankly, I’d rather swallow my blades.”

Levi swallowed thickly, his blank but firm expression becoming harder to maintain. “Your point, Cadet?”

“I’d rather make the mistake I’ve  _ been  _ making with you over and over than die not knowing where this could have gone. Where  _ we  _ could have gone. You’re a hard-ass, you’re hard to read, you have a particular fondness for shit jokes, and dealing with you on a bad day is a pain. However, you’re also the most hardworking person I’ve ever met, the most compassionate, and the most sacrificing. I’m not going to apologize for my feelings for you. I’m not going to apologize for what we did or what we planned to do before being interrupted.”

“Y/N, stop.” His reply was weak, breathy, and lacked the resolve he had started the conversation with.

He was damned if he thought any protest on his part would stop you now that the floodgates were wide open. Your eyes flicked down to his lips, your own breath heavy from your monologue. Taking a deep breath, you leaned in and went to capture them, thinking better of it only when you were both a hair’s width away from what you both desperately wanted.

“The ball’s in your court, Captain.” You breathed, pulling away. “I’ll leave you to your thoughts.” With a quick salute, you strode from the room, careful to maintain your composure until you were in the safety of your own room.

—

1000 Hours. Levi’s Office.

Levi sat in his chair, leaning his head back and looking at the ceiling. Your words rang through his ears almost as loudly as a titan’s roar and he found it difficult to focus on anything other than the lecture you gave him.

He should punish you for arguing with a superior - he should give you a month of stable duty and make you run extra laps for a week, but he couldn’t. Once again he found himself at a loss, stunned by your confident declarations. Despite all of the logical reasons he could come up with about why this was a bad idea, the weight of your words hung heavy in the air and on his mind.

_ “I’d rather make the mistake I’ve been making with you over and over than die not knowing where this could have gone.” _

“ _ I’m not going to apologize for my feelings for you.” _

“ _ The ball’s in your court, Captain.” _

Levi huffed in annoyance, covering his face with his hands. “Make a decision you aren’t going to regret, huh?” He murmured, tasting the words on his tongue.

—

1000 Hours. Soldier’s Barracks.

You buried your head in your pillow, cursing yourself for your boldness and stupidity in the presence of Captain Levi. You’d let your emotions bubble over and now it was probably going to be even more awkward than it had already been between you both.

_ Note to self, never take advice from Hange again. _

Hange had listened sympathetically to you with each rant and rave you made about the situation. She felt she owed it to you after walking into an obviously tense moment between you and Captain Levi. Not being one for beating around the bush, Hange spent the week encouraging you to “get some balls and tell him how you feel!” Her words felt empowering, meaningful - It sounded like good advice.

You were starting to reconsider that notion.

Any semblance of friendship, any connection you may have had with the stormy-eyed man you called Captain - no - Levi, was up in smoke. The days, weeks, months you had worked to build that bond were pointless now.

_ You would have regretted going down without a fight. _

A sigh escaped your lips and you further buried yourself in the sanctuary that was your bed.

_ And now I’m going to regret what I’ve ruined anyway. _

—

2100 Hours - Squad Leaders’ Lounge

The ice in the whiskey glass between his fingers clinked carelessly as it melted. The liquid glowed a tempting auburn in the light of the fire before Levi as he sat in the leather chair he had grown fond of over the years.

“So  _ this  _ is where you’ve been, Shorty!” came Hange’s voice, sounding like nails on a chalkboard in Levi’s current state.

He let out a defeated sigh, glancing over at her as she made her way to the seat next to him, “What is it, shitty-glasses? I’m not in the mood right now.”

“Ooooh! Did Y/N come to see you today?” Hange wagged her eyebrows suggestively, noting the whiskey in his hand. “You never drink - it must have been quite an experience.”

Levi froze, his gaze hardening. “Hange, how much do you know?”

“Considering I’m the one who walked in on you both - despite your desperate attempts to look normal - it wasn’t exactly hard to figure most of it out myself. Y/N filled in the rest for me after I brought it up in an attempt to get an outside perspective.”

He huffed, running his free hand through his hair. “So you’re the one who told her to come see me, guns blazing.”

“What, it didn’t work?” The brunette guffawed, looking at Levi like he’d grown an extra head.

“What do you mean ‘What, it didn’t work,’ Hange?” Levi growled, clenching the whiskey glass tighter. “We’re in the middle of a war that isn’t going to end anytime soon. We could get eaten by those damn titans at any one of these expeditions.”

“And?”

“And? And what good is getting into a relationship just to have it torn away from you?”

Hange groaned, shaking her head. “You don’t get it, Shorty.”

“What, pray tell, don’t I get?”

“What good is hiding from what you want when this is the only chance you might ever get?”

A pregnant silence filled the room as Levi was reminded of your words.

“ _ I’d rather make the mistake I’ve been making with you over and over than die not knowing where this could have gone.” _

“How do you know I feel the same way she does?” He countered, returning his gaze to the fire.

“Because you’re taking the time to listen to what I have to say,” Hange replied, a knowing smirk on her face. “And you wouldn’t be drinking a straight whiskey if you were so sure of yourself.”

“Shut it, Four-Eyes.”

“Aha! So I  _ am  _ right!”

“Regardless of if you are, say one more word and my foot is going to find a new home in your ass.”

Hange puffed out her cheeks, standing up and marching her way to the liquor cabinet before pouring herself a whiskey as well. “One more thing.”

“My foot is getting ever-closer to its new home, Hange,” Levi warned, his eyes glinting dangerously.

“If you don’t go to her, you’ll lose her regardless.” Hange shot back her whiskey quickly, setting the glass on the table next to Levi before walking to the door. “You’re the one always lecturing about regret. See you, Shorty.”

Levi sighed and knocked back his whiskey, hoping for the liquid courage he needed.

He hated when Hange was right.

—

2130 Hours, Soldier’s Barracks.

You snuck out of your room quietly, making your way to the mess hall to get yourself a cup of tea. Sleep had escaped you and it didn’t seem like it would return to you any time soon.

“Maybe I’ll train with Mikasa after drills. That should tire me out for tomorrow night.” You hummed, lost in your thoughts. You had calmed down measurably from this morning’s conversation, but still preferred to keep it buried in your subconscious.

The mess hall wasn’t a long walk from your room, and you found the dark, empty halls to be comforting. No wandering eyes, no loud conversations, no bustling soldiers to knock you out of your reverie. When you were alone you could let your guard down and just be y/n. No need for honorifics, no need for posturing. It came as a relief.

You opened the door to the hall quietly, slipping in and making your way to the kitchen. Lavender chamomile tea sounded exactly like what you needed, so you moved with purpose as you set the kettle on the stove and got a teabag from the cabinet nearby. While you waited for the water to boil, you set out a mug and went to light a candle on one of the dining tables.

_ Seems lonely to sit in the dark and drink tea _ , you mused, striking a match and carefully setting the wick of the candle aflame. A gentle light filtered through the hall, its glow a welcome comfort in the cold night. Satisfied with the new luminance the room provided, you padded back to the kitchen to wait on the kettle.

—

Levi made his way down the hall to your room, wondering if he should wait until the morning to talk to you. The chance of waking your bedmates left a sour taste in his mouth, but he also knew that waiting meant he would lose the nerve the whiskey had warmed his insides with.

As he rounded the corner, he noticed the door to the mess hall was open and a gentle light painted the walls nearby. Fully prepared to scold a cadet -namely Sasha- for stealing rations in the middle of the night, he moved past the threshold silently. The dining room was empty save the lone candle burning on one of the dining tables. Glancing at the door to the kitchen, he figured he’d be able to trap his culprit with relative ease.

The closer he got to the door, however, he realized the cadet out of bed was no thief. It was the one person he had planned to go find in the first place. Her h/c h/l hair was shining in the gentle light of the room and her back was facing the door. Levi faintly smelled the soothing scent of lavender and chamomile, noting the lack of tension in your shoulders - a welcome change from this morning’s argument.

You looked beautiful.

Knowing this was the chance he was looking for, he took a deep breath and quietly came behind you, putting a gentle hand on your arm.

“Y/N.”

—

The gentle touch of someone’s hand made you freeze, dropping the tea bag you had just removed from your mug right back into it with a gentle “plop”.

“Y/N.” The one voice you weren’t nearly prepared to hear resounded from behind you, sounding almost fragile.

“Captain.” You murmured, not turning around. Your only hope was that you sounded somewhat calm.

“Levi.” He responded, “Please look at me, Y/N.”

A shaky breath left your lips before you could stop it and you nodded, slowly turning to face Levi. You focused your gaze on the floor, not willing to meet his gaze.

“I’m sorry for being out of bed. I was just going to have some tea and head back.”

“That’s not why I’m here, Y/N. Look at me please.” His voice was uncharacteristically soft as he took your chin between his thumb and forefinger. Levi carefully lifted your head until your e/c eyes met his slate-gray ones.

You were unable to control the trembling of your breath as you met Levi’s gaze. Instead of the hardened expression you were used to, instead of the wall that he so carefully hid behind, his eyes laid bare his feelings of vulnerability.

“Why are you here, Levi?”

“To apologize.”

“For what? I was the one out of line today.”

“Maybe. That doesn’t change the fact that you were right.”

Your eyes widened at his declaration, surprise filling your features. “I’m not…sure I follow you.”

“Look - I…” He shut his eyes tightly, letting out a frustrated huff, “I’m really fucking bad with words, Y/N.”

“I won’t know what you’re here for unless you tell me.”

For a few moments, the only sound that could be heard was the gentle breaths being shared between you both.

“I don’t want to regret anything either,” Levi responded quietly, suddenly unable to meet your gaze.

“I still don’t understand what you’re trying to say.” You murmured, careful not to agitate him in his already vulnerable state.

“I’d rather just show you.”

“I’m sorry —?”

Your words were cut off by the feeling of a gentle, but firm arm around your waist. Levi’s other hand came to cup the side of your face and with a shuddering breath, he leaned in, giving you a feather-light kiss.

Time seemed to stop for a moment. Your eyes remained wide open, while his were squeezed shut. Levi desperately hoped this would give you the answer that you sought.

After a moment, Levi began to pull away. “I’m sorry, was that too forward of me? Shit, I’m really not good at this - I know you said the ball’s in my court and I’m probably fucking this up. I-”

”Stop.” You whispered, your hands coming to either side of his face.

“Y/N?”

“Stop talking.”

You pulled Levi to you, returning the kiss you had failed to before with fervor. You poured your heart into the kiss, hoping to communicate to Levi in a language he felt more comfortable with.

Levi responded with equal passion, pulling you flush against him. He held you as if letting go meant losing you forever. With each kiss you shared, the next was more desperate, filled with an even greater longing. It was almost as if you needed each other to breathe.

It wasn’t enough.

You let out a surprised squeal as Levi grabbed your ass and lifted you, setting you on the counter behind him and slipping between your legs.

“Y/N,” he breathed, the scent of whiskey present on his breath, “I love you.”

The light in the dining room glowed well into the night as you both shared the feelings Levi had tried so desperately to contain.

Before you knew it, the tea beside you had grown cold. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the extremely long wait on this chapter. We had some things to deal with at home (cue COVID and everything else 2020 could throw at you.)
> 
> Hopefully, I'll be able to update more frequently now that things have calmed down. Happy Holidays!


	4. Of Synchronicity and Desire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You should have known laying your feelings on the table would lead to something deeper. A relationship hidden in the shadows, desire thinly cloaked behind pretense, Levi has to make a decision. 
> 
> Maintain control or throw caution to the wind.
> 
> This chapter is 18+ for graphic sexual content.

Training Grounds 0630 Hours

Levi’s Squad was becoming suspicious of the dynamic change between you and the Captain. Since returning from your week of helping Hange with her strange experiments, it was almost as if you and Levi danced around each other. Regardless of the increased space between the two of you, Mikasa was especially aware of the gentle gazes you awarded each other when no one was watching. Furthermore, when you sparred with Captain Levi there was a level of synchronicity not previously present. Instead of the tense atmosphere they had witnessed the last time you made the - stupid - decision to challenge your raven-haired superior, there was an air of mutual respect and intense focus.

It was obvious you still had an edge when it came to hand-to-hand combat, but what could the others expect when you spent almost your every waking moment at Levi’s side? From training in the morning, attending to your duties as his assistant, and extra practice at night alongside Mikasa and Eren, you had excelled.

Today was no different than any other; it started with twenty laps around the green, 50 push-ups, 50 sit-ups, an ungodly number of squats, and ODM gear practice. Once again you were ending with sparring. Krista had finally recovered from the injury you had unintentionally given her and had switched partners to Sasha to avoid another incident. That left you to either take on Mikasa, Eren, or Captain Levi if you were feeling especially daring.

For now, Levi had paired you with Mikasa. He looked to you both as excellent examples of proper technique, sometimes stopping the others to have them observe a specific set of moves that you had both previously executed. He could scarcely hide the pride that shone in his stormy eyes when he watched you hold your own regardless of who you were pitted against; it was difficult to keep the stony expression he wore on a day-to-day basis.

_ Mine. That’s mine,  _ he would appreciate silently. Never once did he have to doubt your strength or worry of possible injuries on your behalf.

That didn’t mean you came out of sparring practice unscathed, however. It was common for you to show up to Levi’s office with his morning cup of tea, new bruises lining your arms and, once in a while, your cheek or jaw. This was especially true when you faced off against Mikasa, who never held back. You were rather gleeful whenever you got to face her, regardless of the injuries you were sure to receive - it just meant you were both pushing yourselves to the brink.

In your usual fashion, you utilized your legs more than your arms when taking on your onyx-haired colleague. You found it easier to land a blow if you kept a reasonable distance from her. Whenever you got close, she would manage to land a solid punch or worse - throw you over her shoulder and onto the ground. It was more difficult for her to grapple you if you went in for a well-placed kick due to the speed you moved at.

“I think you’re going easy on me, Mikasa.” You teased, eyeing her movements carefully.

Mikasa’s lip quirked up ever-so-slightly, mirth filling her expression. “When have I ever gone easy on you, Y/N?”

“I don’t know - the last time we sparred I distinctly remember winning.”

“So you admit that the only way you can win is if I go easy on you.”

“No, but it definitely wasn’t a very satisfying win. Too focused on Eren?” You teased.

She blushed slightly, her small smile turning into a frown. “What about you? Seems like you’re pretty keen on observing the Captain lately.”

You moved towards her with caution, considering your chances of landing a kick to her knees to knock her off balance, not responding.

“Oi Brats, less chatting more ass-kicking.” Levi barked at you, crossing his arms impatiently.

He received no response from you either. Nor did he hear one from your agile partner.

It seemed your good-natured teasing only stoked the fire building in Mikasa. Your sparring session ended with you on your ass, arm painfully twisted behind you. “Jesus, Mikasa, I yield,” you hissed, hyper-aware of the throbbing in your shoulder.

She released you with a satisfied smirk, stepping away. “Just so you know, I plan to win tomorrow too.”

“I expect nothing less,” you grumbled, rubbing your arm and soothing your damaged ego.

“Hit the showers, Brats. You look disgusting.” Levi remarked, dismissing you all with a wave. However, before you could join the others you felt a gentle tug on your wrist. “Wait.”

You quirked an eyebrow, turning to gaze into the slate-gray eyes you came to adore. “What is it, Captain?”

“Come with me. I need you to take some documents over to Erwin.”

You were distinctly aware of the observant eyes glancing at you as they made their way back to the barracks. “Right now? I’m pretty sure you don’t want me stepping into your office smelling like shit, Captain Levi. What if I dirty your floors again?”

“Oi, Cadets keep walking! Eyes forward!” Levi boomed, watching the other members of his squad scurry away at his demand. He made sure they were out of earshot before continuing.

“You can shower in my room.”

You practically choked on your own breath. “I’m sorry?”

“Dammit Y/N, you aren’t deaf. You can shower in my room.”

“What about a change of clothes?”

“We’re the same size. Wear something of mine.”

Needless to say, you weren’t used to the forward nature Levi was presenting to you. You almost wondered if he had an ulterior motive, but shook the thought aside. “Alright, I’ll go with you.”

—

Levi’s Office 0800 Hours

You were both uncharacteristically quiet as he led you through the door separating his office from his private quarters. While you weren’t unfamiliar with being there, the last time you had set foot in his bathroom was when you injured your hands scrubbing his floor.

“Go ahead and start the shower, Y/N. I’ll bring you a towel and something to wear.”

You felt your face flush and cleared your throat, “I’d be naked.”

“And?”

“And your shower door is  _ glass _ , Levi.” You hissed, pressing your cool hands to your cheeks in a desperate attempt to soothe the burning of your skin.

Levi smirked, slowly backing you into the door to the bathroom. “Is that a problem? Are you telling me after the daring lecture you gave me the other day you’ve suddenly decided to go shy on me?”

The burning sensation afflicting you only worsened as he placed his arms on either side of you, pinning you in place. “That’s - I - I don’t even know what we  _ are _ . How am I supposed to calmly let you into the room when I’m fully exposed to you?” You muttered, trying to avoid his intense gaze by turning your head away.

“What do you want to be?” He murmured, pressing his forehead to yours.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that question?”

“I’m more interested in your answer, Brat.”

“I -” you huffed in irritation, frustrated that your body was betraying you in more ways than one when you desperately wanted a clear mind. “I want to be - I want to be the person you turn to at night when you need a break. I want to be the person providing you comfort after a particularly rough expedition. I want to be the reason you come  _ home _ ,” you whispered.

“What I’m trying to say, Levi, is I want to be yours.”

Levi sucked in a breath, pink dusting his cheeks. It wasn’t that he hadn’t expected you to be forward with your answer - he just was unprepared for the intimate sincerity he detected in your voice. After a moment of contemplation, he spoke.

“We’d have to keep it secret, at least for a while.”

“I know.”

“Not everyone is going to take kindly to a relationship between you and me.”

“I’m aware.”

“And when all is said and done, are you prepared for the possible fallout that comes with - eventually - going public?”

“Are  _ you _ ?”

Amusement shown in Levi’s piercing eyes. “I don’t think I’ll know until it happens.”

“That’s how I feel.” You paused, glancing at your captain carefully. “Is this what you want? I don’t want a decision being made one-sidedly, Levi.”

He was silent for a moment, contemplating his answer. When push came to shove, he never was very good at expressing his feelings with the candor you were capable of.

For you, that moment felt like an eternity.

“Levi?”

He gently rested his head on your shoulder, steadying his breathing. “You know I’m fucking terrible at this.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that I need an answer.”

“Right.”

More silence.

“I want to try it,” he said after a while, “I’d probably never stop beating myself up if I didn’t at least see where this went, especially after I drank a fucking glass of whiskey just to be able to be honest with you.”

You carefully lifted your hand to caress his cheek, keenly aware of the way he tensed under your touch. “If that’s the case, I’d like - um - I’d like for you to join me.” You cursed yourself for the wavering in your voice, wanting to seem confident for the both of you.

Levi’s head shot up so fast you wouldn’t have been surprised if he had given himself whiplash. His eyes were wide and he gaped at you openly. “I’m sorry, did I hear you right? You want me to fucking  _ join you? In the shower?” _

“I mean - you normally take a shower after training anyway and I figure this would be faster…” you trailed off, running a hand through your h/l h/c hair. “You don’t have to, but if you’re going to see me naked anyway I don’t exactly see a problem with us both being in the shower.”

“The difference is that you’d see  _ me _ naked too, Y/N.”

“And?”

“And,” he huffed, standing up straight. “I don’t know if I can control myself being that close to you in that situation, regardless of if you smell like shit.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“You said it first, not me.”

“Are you going to join me or not?”

“I - fuck - are you even listening? What if I jump you in the goddamn shower?” Levi hissed, glaring at you.

You quirked your brow at him, crossing your arms. “I’m not exactly a blushing bride, Levi. I’ve done…things.”

“You haven’t done things with me.”

“Not yet.”

“Not y- Jesus Christ.”

“If you don’t want to then just say so. I’m not about to take offense to it.” You replied evenly, trying desperately to calm your rapid heartbeat. “We can take it slow.”

“I…wouldn’t be opposed to it.”

“So?”

“Are you really going to make me say it?”

“You’re lucky I’m not making you beg,” came your sly remark.

_ How the fuck does she go from shy and quiet as a mouse to a bold, teasing brat with the snap of her fingers? _

Regardless of his surprise at your confident change of tone, he couldn’t let your challenge go unanswered. After all, he was a sore loser. “I’m pretty sure I’m the one who should make  _ you  _ beg, Y/N. After all, I fully intended to bend you over my desk the other day.”

“I’ll ask you one more time. Are you joining me?”

“I can’t exactly say no when you act like such a confident Brat now, can I?”

—

Levi realized rather quickly that Y/N liked her showers hot - if the steam billowing from the bathroom indicated anything - as he gathered towels and clothes for the both of them.

“Oi, you better not be wasting all of the hot water in your masochistic attempt to burn yourself alive.” He called, only half-kidding.

“Maybe if you hurried up that wouldn’t be a problem.” You responded cheekily, folding your dirty clothes and setting them to the side. Though it was you who made the bold declaration that you should shower together, you couldn’t help but be nervous. You didn’t hate your body per-se, but the scars that riddled your skin like rough strokes of paint on a canvas gave you pause. It meant you had survived countless encounters with death, that you were a soldier with experience, but you couldn’t ignore the wistful desire for clear, unmauled skin.

“I’m coming,” Levi grumbled, “don’t get your shorts in a bunch, Cadet.”

“I can’t - I’m not wearing any.”

Levi could hear the shit-eating grin in your voice and snorted, pushing aside the nervousness knotting his stomach. “Last chance to back out. I’m outside the door.”

The silent question did not go unheard by you.  _ Is this okay?  _ The gentle concern he showed you in private made your heart swell.

You took a final, resolute breath. “You can come in.”

The moment he crossed the threshold and first laid eyes on you, he was sure his heart stopped beating. Levi swallowed thickly, his eyes growing cloudy as he took in the sight before him. Your skin glowed gently in the light of the room, your scars shining proudly as if like lightning in the middle of a storm. A delicate dusting of pink was present on your cheeks, which you tried to hide with your confident stance, head held high.

“Will you be joining me, or do you just plan to stand there while the water goes cold?”

“Can’t I admire what’s in front of me for a second without your nagging?” He deadpanned, sarcasm evident in the dry tone of his voice.

“Not if I can’t admire you mutually.”

Levi wasn’t completely unfamiliar with intimacy when it came to the bedroom, but his knowledge was limited to one-night stands to scratch an itch. Letting down his walls and laying himself bare was foreign territory and led to pause. After a moment of hesitancy, overridden by the image of embracing you under the unremitting pressure of the water, he stripped.

You eyed him hungrily, unable to control your wandering gaze as Levi undressed. The first to go was his shirt, unbuttoned with the utmost care. With every flick of his wrist, a new expanse of skin was revealed to you. The scars that lined his porcelain skin only served to make him more alluring. Levi turned from you for a moment, wordlessly folding his shirt and placing it atop yours, before returning to his original position and unbuttoning the white pants of his uniform.

You wondered if his slow, purposeful movements were meant to tease you, your breath becoming more ragged with each one.

His eyes met yours, that vulnerable gaze returning. In one swift motion, he lay bare before you, stepping out of his pants soundlessly. Before you could speak, he moved towards you with the utmost care, ignoring the disorganized mess he left in his wake.

“You’re beautiful.” He breathed, cupping your cheek.

Your e/c eyes fluttered shut at his feather-light touch. “Not as beautiful as you,” came your stertorous response.

Levi swallowed thickly, motioning to the shower. “We should probably get in.”

“Right.”

After an instant of awkward shuffling, you both let out a groan of relief at the sensation of warm water pelting you both, as if washing away the nerves that threatened to burst forth from your hearts.

“Feels good,” you murmured, allowing the water to soothe your aching muscles as you set to removing the sweat and grime from your skin.

Levi only grunted in response, unable to tear his eyes from you. His hair clung to his face, obscuring his perfect view of the awe-inspiring sight in front of him. He knew he should start washing as well, but found it impossible to focus on the task.

_ Control yourself,  _ his brain hissed.

“Levi?”

“What?” came his slightly surprised response as you jarred him from his trance.

“I asked if you’d like me to wash your hair.” The innocence in your voice only spurred him on more, so instead of a response, you got a strangled noise and a nod.

With a tender caress of your hand, you turned him away from you and lathered the shampoo in your hands. He reveled in the feeling of your fingers gently scratching his scalp as you worked the soap into his hair, letting out a relieved sigh.

The feeling of his body under your ministrations caused your heart to constrict painfully in your chest. Wondering how much you could get away with, you pressed yourself against his back, gently pushing his head towards the water.

“You can rinse it out,” you said breathlessly, beginning to feel a familiar warmth building in your core.

“Y/N what are you doing?”

“Helping you get clean.”

“No,” he continued, trying desperately to focus on the task of washing out the shampoo, “what are you doing pressed up against me like that?”

_ Don’t lose control. _

“Is it too much?” You breathed, wrapping your arms around him to feel his chest daringly.

“It is if you expect me to keep myself in check.” He asserted, grabbing one of your hands in a vice grip.

_ Don’t. Lose. Control. _

“What if I don’t want you to?”

That was all it took to snap the thin threads keeping Levi from his desire to  _ absolutely wreck you _ . He whipped around and pinned your hands to the wall before you could react, pressing a searing kiss to your lips. It was a fierce battle of teeth and tongues; you fought against his hold as best as you could, the desire to tangle your hands in his hair impossible to ignore.

His grip on your wrists only tightened as he ground his hips against yours. Levi was in charge of the pace, and he’d be damned if he let you take it from him.

“I’m going to leave you a writhing mess, Y/N.” He growled, his voice hoarse.

You could only let out a moan in response, grinding against his hardening cock. You wanted to feel him - all of him. You wanted to know what his tongue felt like on your pussy, how his fingers felt as they teased your clit, and how full you would be with him bottomed-out inside of you.

“Tell me what you want.”

“Levi, fuck, I-” you keened, biting your lip.

“I can’t hear you, Cadet.” was his demanding reply.

“Please, Captain, let me touch you - let me taste you.”

He released the bruising grip on you immediately, his normally gray eyes black and clouded with lust. You pushed him back by his hips, giving yourself room to get on your knees in front of him. Eye-level with his twitching length, you licked your lips greedily. With a fleeting glance at Levi, you wrapped your hand around him and pumped in a teasingly slow rhythm.

Levi sucked in a breath, his hands tangling in your h/l locks. It was taking all of his self-restraint not to shove your pretty little mouth onto his throbbing member. Luckily he didn’t have to wait for the blessed feeling of your tongue long.

“Levi, you’re so perfect.” you hummed, licking him from base to tip, swirling your tongue around his head before swallowing him down. You could taste the salty, heady flavor of his precum as you took him as deeply as you could. It only served to spur you on more; your mind was clouded with lust and a desire to please.

He hissed, his head slamming into the shower wall behind him.

“Fuck, Y/N… How are you so good with that pretty little mouth of yours?”

His praise was music to your ears, and your only response was to bob your head rhythmically, forcing yourself to take more of his cock with each forward motion. Before long he was an absolute mess, panting and writhing under your touch.

“Stop - Stop.” He breathed, pulling you off of him. “I won’t be able to keep my promise to ruin you if you keep going.”

“I think I ruined you instead.” You challenged, licking your lips seductively.

“Oh, Love,” he purred, the pet name making you squirm, “you have no idea what I plan to do to you.”

Grabbing the soap next to him, he motioned for you to stand, lathering his hands.

“First, I’m going to clean that filthy body of yours from head to toe. Then I’m going to taste that delectable pussy of yours and fuck you with my mouth till you’re begging for release.” His hands moved purposefully against your skin as he washed off the remnants of the day. You were painfully aware of his desire to tease you as he massaged your torso, avoiding your breasts entirely.

“Levi, please…”

“Please what, Y/N?”

“Please touch me.” You begged, reaching for his hand.

He pulled away from you immediately, leaving you cold and wanting. “I thought I taught you patience during our training - I’ll touch you  _ where  _ I want  _ when  _ I want. You’ll just have to be good for me and wait.”

You whined, fisting your hands at your sides and shutting your eyes, willing yourself to stay still for him.

“Good girl - You’re so good for me.” He purred, resuming his ministrations.

Levi washed you at a painfully slow pace, making good on his promise to clean  _ every single part  _ of you. With each motion of his hands, you could feel yourself getting wetter. Frankly, you were so wet you weren’t sure if you were dripping or if it was just the water cascading over your skin. Regardless, he still hadn’t touched you where you desperately wanted to, obviously leaving your breasts and core for last.

“Are you ready, Love?” He murmured in your ear, the desire in his voice evident. “You’ve been so patient - so good. I’m going to reward you for your efforts.”

Before you could respond he began massaging your breasts, pinching at your nipples and tugging them gently. The stimulation made your knees week and you struggled to keep yourself upright, settling for leaning back against Levi’s chest for support.

“Does that feel good, Y/N?”

“Yes, Levi - fuck - it feels so fucking good.”

“You can barely stand; I wonder what’ll happen when I finally taste you.”

Your breath hitched in your throat, the sultry tone of his voice driving you insane. “Please. Please, Levi - Babe I’ve been so patient. I need you.”

Levi chuckled and pressed a kiss to your neck. “Do you want me to give you what you want?”

“ _ Yes.” _

He turned you to face him, kissing you again - his love for you evident in every movement. As quickly as it began, it was over. Levi knelt between your legs, quirking an eyebrow at you as if asking for permission once more.

You nodded enthusiastically, gently threading your fingers in his raven-colored hair.

Satisfied with your consent, he leaned in, licking your slit experimentally. The loud moan you released echoed against the walls, spurring him on. He took your hips in a bruising grip, burying himself in your folds and relishing in the sweet taste of your slick. He lapped at your folds enthusiastically, reveling in every sound you made.

You sounded more divine than all of the music in the world.

It took all of your willpower to stay standing when he sucked on your clit with fervor, his index and middle fingers finding your opening and sliding in with ease. He pumped them in a slow, purposeful rhythm, taking his time to stretch you. Levi was well-aware that you could probably take him right then with how aroused you were, but he desperately wanted to draw this out.

_ I want to burn this into my memory - How she feels. How she makes me feel. How I can ruin her so easily. _

“Jesus,  _ please Levi _ , I need to feel you. I want to feel you.”

How could he deny you when you asked so sweetly?

He removed himself from between your legs after a final kiss to your labia, his longing gaze finding yours. Levi stood, backing you against the wall of the shower and lifting your right leg to rest on his hip. He lined himself up with your opening and let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“Is this okay, Y/N?”

“Yes,” you breathed, looking at Levi lovingly.

“There isn’t any going back from this.”

“I know.”

“You’re really sure?”

“It sounds like you’re trying to talk yourself out of it more than me, Levi.” You chucked, cupping his cheek with your hand. “Do you want to stop? We can stop.”

“ _ No.”  _ He assured, biting his lip, “I just want to make sure you’re ready.”

“I’m more than ready.”

That was all the reassurance he needed. He slid into you with one fluid motion, taking a minute to savor the feeling of your tight walls against his cock.

You both let out a quiet moan, Levi’s grip on you tightening as you wrapped your arms around his shoulders. The feeling of him deep inside of your pussy was absolutely  _ divine _ . You were so full, so satisfied just reveling in the sensation of you both being one. He felt amazing.

It felt as though you were perfectly made for each other.

After a moment to collect himself, Levi willed himself to move. He tried desperately to maintain a cadence with his thrusts, but it was becoming more difficult with each gasp and moan you released. He was well aware of the sharp sting of your nails clawing at his shoulders - it only served to make it more difficult to keep in control.

It was as if you could read his mind when you responded, “Let go, Levi. Just let go.”

He didn’t need any further encouragement.

His hips snapped forward with reckless abandon. Levi thrust into you roughly, his nails digging into your leg that he held against himself.

_ Mine. Mine. All fucking mine _ .

With each powerful thrust he gave, you began losing yourself in the splendor. The familiar tightness of an impending orgasm made itself known and you tried to tell him between frenzied breaths.

“Levi - I - Fuck - I’m gonna -  _ Please I want to cum _ .”

“God -  _ Yes  _ \- Fuck Y/N cum for me. Cum for me, Love. I want to see you unravel.” Levi growled, feeling his own impending release surface as you clenched around him.

By now his thrusts were absolutely brutal - no measured tempo to be found. It was frantic, carnal, desperate desire to finish that guided his motions. He wanted you to scream for him. He wanted you to come undone in his arms - all for him.

He never said he wasn’t selfish.

It wasn’t long before you saw stars.

“ **Levi** !” You yelled, digging your nails into his back and drawing blood as you came. Your body shook with the power of your orgasm, only being held up by the firm, steadying grip Levi had on you. He didn’t stop his ministrations, leaving you overstimulated and begging for him.

He had succeeded in ruining you.

“Fuck, Y/N, I’m going to cum” Levi hissed, his head falling into the junction between your neck and shoulder.

“Cum on me, Levi. Cum for me.” You said breathlessly, wanting him to feel just as good as you did when he orgasmed.

With a final stroke, Levi pulled out of you and jerked himself to completion, cumming all over your stomach and hips. Spurred on by the intense sensation of his orgasm, he bit into your neck, hoping to leave his mark on you.

You both slumped onto the floor of the shower, holding each other and trying to collect yourselves.

“I love you, Levi.” You murmured, pressing your head to his chest.

Levi wrapped his arms around you gently, hoping to prolong this moment with you as long as possible.

“I love you too.”

The water in the shower had long grown cold.

Neither of you seemed to notice. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't written a graphic sex scene in a very long time so I hope I did it justice. As always, thanks for reading!


End file.
